


Do I Mean So Little to You?

by desthen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: POV Peter, peter introspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 14:36:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20931845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desthen/pseuds/desthen
Summary: The argument is long forgotten but the words still echo.A look into Peter's thoughts as he looks into whether or not his friend is a werewolf. Some sixth years start arguing and he'd really rather listen to them then consider what's in front of him.





	Do I Mean So Little to You?

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this years ago when I was a different person, but since it's the only slightly finished thing I've ever written I wanted to post it. It was supposed to be a look into what fears the Death Eaters could have used against Peter when recruiting him but this is the only part I really liked that was complete enough to post. The original title was just "Betrayal". Hope someone enjoys it! There's a few lines I'm fond of at least. 
> 
> Happy reading!

He doesn't know that it all started with Lisa Wright.

He doesn't know much about her, besides that when he was a first year, she was the sixth year who started the food fight during the Christmas feast and had her whole journal posted through out the halls of Hogwarts. Because back then he was just a 2nd year, full of grand plans for the future and an accepting heart set on being a hero to his friends. With these dreams in mind, he spends this day in the library, hunting down books on werewolves. He even goes as far as to sneak some books out of the restricted section.

Sitting at one of the tables in a far corner, he is able to see everyone else but is unlikely to be singled out upon anyone's entrance to the room. He can almost pretend he's alone, despite the small clusters of people less than 10 feet away.

The others are at Quidditch practice, unaware of his findings about their friend's condition. There is still the smallest bit of doubt trailing beneath his fingertips as he flips through the pages and idly hears the murmurings of other students in the library. The words on the page and the words around him seem to slip together in a fog of in-coherency. He can't quite believe what the books are saying. Blood thirsty, menacing, dark creatures full of hate and deceit. He can't make the image of the wolf overlap with Remus. Quiet, smart, funny Remus, who has never been anything but nice to him. If that's a lie, he's not sure he wants to know.

"She's such a whore that Lily-"

Peter looks up sharply from his readings. How dare they talk of his friend like that! Wait till S-

"Cracken. I heard she-"

Peter stops listening and attempts to go back to his reading. The words wash over him again. A rumor about one of the sixth years is not his business, nor worth his time. Childish gossip at best. Especially, when there's the more pressing matter of Remus, but his interest has been peaked and a part of him is more then willing to stop this venture into dark creature studies. Maybe if he doesn't acknowledge the existence of the possibility, it will just go away.

A high pitched voice shrills in agreement to something and their voices fade off into laughter. He can feel the suspicion of the laughter being pointed at him but he pushes it away. Remus is always telling him not to care what others think anyway.

_Remus_.

_A werewolf. How could he possi-_

A book smashes into a table, surprising him and a few other students who quickly return to their work. A deeper voice then before enters the fold, not male but still lower in pitch then the others.

"Hello, Jessica." There's a chill in her words and it catches Peter's attention. He picks up a book from the table and places it a foot from his face while leaning back, so that he can survey the area without being too noticeable.

He spots the two black haired girls that were gossiping at a table not too far away with a tall blonde standing next to them. Pulling the book to just below eye level, Peter listens intently, staring at the top of a page titled Creatures of the Night. His eyes unfocus and the words smear and overlap but figures just barely in his direct line of vision become less vague silhouettes. As they begin to talk, Peter tries to push back thoughts of Remus for a while.

The long haired girl smiles "Hey there, Lacey"

He can practically hear the blonde's teeth clench for a moment. "That's not my-"

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask you," the other black haired girl in Ravenclaw robes grins "How was detention with Slughorn? Seems like a small price to pay for trashing the common room."

The first girl tries to diffuse the tension "So, how did you do on the exam today?" The words from the book speak up.

_Don't be fooled by their niceties..._

"Oh it was just fine. Thank you, Mari. I spent the night cleaning up the common room on the night before our Defense Against the Dark Arts exam.  
  
"Fantastic. Glad to hear you're fulfilling your debt to our house after that nasty fall you took. You really must watch yourself"

_Cruel blood thirsty animals..._

The book that was slammed in to the table is swept to the side, onto the floor as the blonde leans over the table angrily. (A small, Remus-like, voice inside his head is screaming "Book Abuse!")

"I can't believe you have the audacity to claim it was my fault! Putting a rubber charm on me that I can't control and then tripping me down the stairs. What kind of friends are you? I fell asleep during the exam!"

_Remus would probably be angry too if he failed an exam because of a prank..._

Mari seems surprised by this outburst "Calm down Lisa, it was just a joke. An accident really, right Jess?" She elbows the girl next to her, who seems equally surprised by the anger.  
  
"Right. Really, its not like we knew you were going to get detention last night. It was supposed to be a good laugh. Something we could tell-"

_Always masking their cruelty..._

"Funny? You thought it was going to be funny? The third years are calling me Leaping Lisa! I'm the laughing stock of the house! I don't know why I even hang out with you, you're both such ruthless tyrants. Always telling me what to do and having me do your homework for you. You're both completely self centered! No wonder the rest of the house can't stand you! No wonder Brian never wants hang out with us! You can't see anyone else past your own ego!"

_They are to be exterminated upon sight according to Fredrick Thorton, leading authority on...._

Her anger is met with anger. Their argument seems to have escalated to a point Peter had not anticipated and he can see the Librarian standing up from her desk. "We're self centered? As though you aren't as well? Always following us around, trying to stay in our good graces so that we don't leave you to your seclusion of our room. No one likes you, don't you get that? I don't like you!" She stands up and her friend attempts to pull her back into her chair but is unsuccessful "You were never my friend! That's why I posted your journal all over school last year because you're such a-"

_Always filled with rage..._

"Jess!" Her friend's gasp cuts her off.

_Cruel blood thirsty animals not fit to live in human society..._

Lisa stutters out "You.. You did that to me?"

"Of course I did! You stole my boyfriend! You knew how much I liked him! We only let you tag along all this time because Stacie felt sorry for you! So why don't you just shuffle along back to the kitchen and eat some more of your feelings, you-" A punch to the face cuts the so called Jess off.

_They cannot be controlled..._

"I can't believe you! After all I've done for you, the essays I've written for you. How many times have I lied for you? Cheated for you? And this is how you repay me? I trusted you not to screw me over! You we're like a sister to me! Do I mean so little to you? I-"

Before anything else can happen the librarian has reached the table and pushes the two girls apart. "Ladies! I will not have fighting in my Library! Miss Browden, please escort Miss Sanchez to the hospital wing. 10 points from Ravenclaw for each of you. 20 points from Ravenclaw for you and detention as well, Miss Wright. Leave the library at once"

Peter can't help the feeling of disappointment, he could have told Sirius about this later. He's been going on about girls fighting over him for weeks. They all knew he'd never seen a girl fight.

Conceited little bastard, that's what James had said as he shoved him into the lake outside, causing a disastrous prank war that resulted in 2 months of detention.

As his distractions gather their things and head toward the exit, Peter focuses on their faces. Two angered beyond recognition and the other with swiftly sweeping eyes, unsure of who's side to take. To think this all stemmed from a prank.

_Fools,_ Peter thinks as the library becomes quiet again. _Silly to let a prank get in the way of a friendship._ He looks back at the book, though he would rather not. _I don't have to worry about that though. The marauders will always be friends. They could never humiliate me like that. Marauder code and all._

_But...._

He thinks about Lisa's face when she found out what happened. _She thought so too. Just a tag along, huh? I wonder how that must feel? To only be a side act to a more greater extravaganza... Oh, bugger them and their silly prob-_

A tap on the shoulder disturbs him.

"Mr. Pettigrew, I see you're studying hard despite the commotion a few moments ago."

His head snaps to the left so fast he can hardly form words. "P-Pr-Professor Dumbled-dore, you scared me."

"Sorry, my lad, I was merely looking for that particular tome" A bony old man finger gestures towards one of the books on his table. Medical Mysteries of Dark Creatures. "and I happened to see it upon your table. May I borrow it? If I do recall, you wont be studying anything along those lines for quite some time."

"No sir, I don;t mind" He smiles nervously. "I was just doing some light reading."

"Oh, do tell" Peter can't help but watch the skin stretch and constrict as Dumbledore grasps the book in his hands. "What are you looking up that might spike your interest in a book called Dark Creatures Live Among Us - A Wizards Guide to Detecting Evil?"

He glances sharply at the books scattered around his desk, quickly deciding honesty is the best policy. Especially considering he doesn't want to get in trouble for lying to the Headmaster. "Just a bit of study on Werewolves"

"Oh?" Dumbledore's eyebrows raise simultaneously with Peters heart beat "Got a particular fascination with curses that only happen once a month?"

Peters heart stops "Sir?"

The Headmaster stares him down for a few seconds, seeming to search for something. When he finally finds it, Peter isn't sure if his breathing can take much more silence. "I believe those books you are looking through have quite misled you. Especially that one from the restricted section. Would you like a lemon drop?"

Peter's vocal cords can not function long enough to say anything and neither can the rest of him. Only a short squeak escapes his closed mouth.

"No? Ah well, let me relieve you of this contaminating material and find you a better authority on the subject. You mustn't believe everything you read. Even the most published of wizards can be mistaken." A purple hat covered in twinkling stars brushes Peters nose as Dumbledore gathers all the books he has been studying for hours and takes them away, whistling to himself.

Peter's forehead makes contact with the desk as soon as he is out of sight. He is ruined. Taking books out the restricted section in broad daylight. What was he thinking? How will he ever be able to face Remus again, knowing that he willingly broke the rules like their two crazy friends and got caught? The house points he's going to lose! If they lose the house cup because of him, Remus will-

He cuts himself off and tilts his head up to stare at the desk. Remus, the reason he's here in the first place. How is he going to explain this without saying what book he got out of the restricted section? If he doesn't say the Dark Creature book, the others will all think he's looking up the Dark Arts! He-

A skinny hand with long fingers sets a book down in front of him.

"I think you will find this to be much more informative. Good day, Mr. Pettigrew"

Peter stares blankly at the book then looks up at the retreating back of the Headmaster as he turns around to leave a closing remark.

"Oh, and next time you're looking up things in the library, might I suggest not borrowing books from others? I don't know who gave you that book from the restricted section, but whoever they are, they should not be so quick to read them during the day. Ta ta."

Dumbledore slips out of the library as Peter is too stunned to respond. He shakes his head and glances at the book. Werewolves of London: Cursed and Condemned. As he begins to read, his fears and confusion fall away.

When James comes to find him, wondering about that game of gobstones they were going to play, Peter has already forgotten Lisa Wright and is completely focused on Remus. James and him track down Sirius and explain his theory, Peter still holding Werewolves of London in his hands. When they confront Remus about it later, he trys to leave but the other marauders assure him they don't care. On the contrary, they want to help him. The book told them about how the werewolf tears itself up during the full moon with no humans to kill. They vow to help him and by the end of Sirius's speech about loyalty toward fellow marauders that can never be shaken, they are all tired and Remus is hugging them like he has never hugged them before. They all promise never to tell a soul of Remus's secret.

As they drift off into a slumber later that night, Peter can't help but wonder if they would do the same for him? Or would they tell the world, like Lisa's friend told her secrets?

He doesn't dwell on it for long though, because unlike Lisa Wright Peter can still believe in honor and loyalty. Unlike Lisa Wright, his best friends would never betray him.

But its not them we should be worried about.

Peter cant help but remember the words from that fight years later, as he justifies his bitterness and anger towards the friends he always thought he had. He doesn't know that his distrust and doubt in his friends all started in the Library that day and was fed with the taunts and gossip of his peers. Always mocking him for being Too stupid, Too fat, Too ugly, or Too fearful. Always wondering why he tags along after James, Sirius and Remus. Even the teachers thought him unable to fit in the group.

He tries to be like Remus, and not care so much what other people think but their words intensify the fear that he is not at all as important to his friends as they are to him. His best friends belittling jokes do nothing to help. The words feed the fear like a fire until the flames of betrayal consume him. He is a rat surrounded by legends and lies.

And as the marauders shift to the marauders and Peter, her words cut through his mind though he can no longer recall that they are hers. As SiriusAndRemus and JamesAndLily become the norm, in his nightmares he hears

_"Do I mean so little to you?"_

It isn't too hard for Voldemort to put the pieces of his doubt and fear into perspective, re-enforcing them into a coal that keeps burning.

Then, he became his own fear.


End file.
